Saturday, October 8, 2011

I’m Baby C’s Mom

Before my husband and I married I had a full (but lonely) life. I traveled the world, had great friends, had a dog. I was afraid that if I got married that my life wouldn’t be about me anymore; it would be about HIM and US. My husband assured me that our life together would be a full, beautiful life together. He delivered on his promise.

When I was pregnant I imagined my life as a mother. My calm (and impeccably mannered) child would enjoy museums and eat gourmet food. I would raise my son to be a great man, not just some ordinary Joe.

Now I know the reality of it. Baby C screams…. a lot… at a decibel that must be physically painful for our dog. At 14 months he also has started having major tantrums. He isn’t speaking yet but he sure does know how to yell. Our demanding child also eats a tremendous amount, so much so that it’s scary.

Here’s the interesting thing about motherhood. I never thought that I would loose my sense of identity in the process. I didn't lose my identity when I became my husband’s wife, but in reality, I lost it when I became a mother. Whenever I call the daycare, the doctor, the pharmacy, whatever… I’m not me, myself, an independent fully capable woman. I’m “Baby C’s Mom”.

The transformation became utterly clear to me one day when I was at daycare. The head of the infant room “teacher” (and I use that word loosely) asked me, “Claire, can you bring wipes tomorrow?” I looked around the room, wondering who Claire was. She laughed and looked at another woman working there and said “I don’t even know her name. She’s just ‘Baby C’s Mom’ to me”. And there we have it. It doesn’t matter where I got my Master’s Degree or how many countries I’ve been to. The fact that I have a child defines me.

While I’ve been mentally chewing on this thought for a week, here’s the God’s honest truth. I will always be defined by my demographics, my family, my children, what car I drive, etc… I guess it was an easier transition when I was defined as “the blond with the Mercedes”. Oh well, I’m still blond.

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